Ripple Effect
by LostInTheDreams
Summary: It's the beginning of a new year and the youkai are having a celebration. Inviting a human may not have been the best idea. Natsume gets a literal taste of the fun as he wrestles with memories of the past, and not all of them are his own.


**Ripple Effect**

…

 _Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful  
\- Unknown_

…

"Hey, hey. Friend, are you listening? Here."

"Ah, no, it's okay." Natsume smiled kindly, even as the mask hid his eyes, and lifted a hand so the small, ceramic cup came no closer to his person.

" _You know, you really stick out like that. At least take it and pretend."_

It wasn't as if he hadn't told the ayakashi again and again that he was too young to drink. Hinoe, who had given him the suggestion, was well aware of this and – to be honest – it wasn't a bad idea.

Reluctantly Natsume took the cup from a youkai he had never met before now, with a long, narrow face and small, donkey-shaped ears. While he couldn't fake tossing the sake over his shoulder, he did pretend to drink it and tip the cup to the side once it was nearer the ground where the grass hid the evidence.

Hinoe was the only one he knew still near him that had invited him to this 'year end' celebration that was being held in the forest. It had taken a lot of pestering by the 'dog squad' as it was to get him here to begin with. Where they had wandered off too, he had no clue.

Sensei was currently snoozing off some of the alcohol beside him – unconscious – and didn't count.

Natsume had to smile at that and pet him. It wasn't often that he did something like this with sensei, something youkai related that the ayakashi wasn't forced along with and treated like nothing more than a cat.

Fireworks exploded above their group of six while the fifty or others around them cheered, the night lit with fire. Natsume's smile grew for a moment before he started thinking.

"Hinoe, how are there fireworks? Are they real?" Could other human's see them? He was sure having a festival in the middle of the forest wouldn't be permitted.

"Of course they're real. Oh, you're worried that someone might stumble upon our little party?" She tipped her strange pipe towards him. "While they're real, a Youkai made them. It's the same concept as your human fireworks, the ingredients are simply a little different. There are a lot of things like that. I'm sure you've even seen flowers that other humans can't see."

Natsume nodded, taking the enjoyment he truly felt from the fireworks, the persistent youkai next to him picking up his cup and placing it back in his hand as he refilled it. It was kind gesture but he was simple wasting sake.

Food was brought out while the fireworks continued to go off. Hinoe informed him that they would be all night, as a way of bringing in the New Year out of the darkness until dawn broke.

Natsume had to cough when, not thinking twice about the teacup beside him, he took a drink and realized in an instant that the youkai had obviously not simply refilled the sake cup.

"Natsume, you okay?" Hinoe's hand was gentle on his shoulder as Natsume cleared his through, letting out a breath.

He nodded, smiling at her as he placed his second cup that had assumed held water, to the side. "Yeah, I'm just fine. Thanks."

"You know, it won't kill you. It's not like human sake. This is made by a youkai." Hinoe took the cup, looking into it and swirling it around, before tipping it towards him so Natsume could see the swells die down and – just for a moment – the image of something in the liquid.

"What was that?"

"A glimmer of a memory from this year. That's what this drink is for, to help us remember the best of this year before it fades into all the rest. One last hurrah, so to speak. Did you really think they'd be serving simple sake at the New Year's Banquet?"

"I've never heard of this festival before." Natsume took the cup back. It had tasted fairly bad, though there had been a slight taste of something strange before the alcohol had taken over. "It seems to affect Sensei the same way sake does."

Hinoe sighed, pointing to the smaller cup. "Sake." She put her fingers on the teacup still in Natsume's hand. "Moonlight Spring Water. _Of course, I'm fairly sure they add a good amount of some of the best sake of the year in with it, but mostly it's for the remembrance."_ Hinoe wasn't too sure Natsume heard the last part, staring into the glass and moving it a bit, likely trying to make another image appear. "Drink it." It wasn't like it was a human drink. It shouldn't affect Natsume. He might get lucky and get a peek at least at the world he was missing.

Natsume smiled that kind, fake smile he used all the time, whether he was really happy or not. It was a strange, human thing, she noticed. Humans smiled a lot, and for no good reason. "It doesn't taste all that great to me."

"Come on, Natsume-kun. It's a party." Hinoe leaned over, another human thing about their space coming over the teen as he tried to put more distance between them, her fingers folding over his on the cup. "I don't think you actually swallowed much the first time. As a human I'm not sure it will even work."

Natsume gave in before she did, letting out a breath and shutting his eyes, in a demonstration that their conflict was over and he was being submissive. There were so many gestures she didn't think humans realized they made, such as that, that were more like an animal. "It's spring water?"

"Yes." For the most part it was, possibly even half of it. "There's a spring that runs underground and it surfaces to produce this water, gathered from all the other springs. You won't be able to try it again until next year and each year the flavor changes slightly."

Natsume hesitated but took another sip, the corner of his mouth going up as he tried not to make a face at the flavor, holding back a few coughs. "How are these memories supposed to work?"

"Look." Hinoe put a hand on shoulder and waved at some of the ayakashi behind him. They were looking up at the firelights as they blazed and died, colors flickering in their eyes. It wasn't as if they were really seeing them though. "Sometimes it can last a few minutes but once there's enough of the spring water in your body, look up at the lights. The moon works too but that's so boring."

Natsume looked up, swaying a little even as he sat. Hinoe watched his hand go to his mouth as he leaned forward towards the ground with as gesture as if he were going to be sick, his eyes vague as if he were seeing something he couldn't be, not now that he was looking to the earth again.

"Are you okay? Did it not work?" She wasn't all that sure it would. He should have really given it more than a second but still.

Natsume started laughing.

It was eerie. Hinoe had never really heard him laugh in all the time she knew him, and it had been light and quiet. Whatever laughter had sway over him now was loud, forcing him to close his eyes, going as far as to have Natsume put a hand over his lips to try and restrict it.

"Mmm. Natsume?" Madara peeked an eye part of the way open, staring at the human with her as Natsume opened his eyes, calm but a strange smile still on his lips.

"Well now." Natsume stood, hands on his hips and looking around. He tugged a hand at some invisible cloth on his shoulder. "Time to go."

And just like that the human ran off into the forest.

"Natsume!" Madara was on his feet, a hue to his cheeks and his stance a little shaky. "What going on?"

"He ah, he just had a little Moonlight Spring Water. He didn't even have all that much. I've never seen-"

"Yare, yare." Madara took off into the forest after the boy, Hinoe confused and simply following, as her curiosity would let her do nothing else.

Natsume's footsteps echoed far louder than theirs did, the boy running hard and the night quiet aside from the fireworks, and those were a light show more than a noise, flashing a rainbow affect around their vision.

"What's the matter with him? Where's he going?"

"I don't know. Natsume doesn't exactly know how to use his power, so it comes out in two ways. The most basic is that stupid punch of his. Stupid idiot likely doesn't even know how much that hurts." Madara changed, making it hard to keep up with him. He soared above the trees and Hinoe did her best to stay with him, his voice deeper. "He seems to have some strange empathic echo ability. He can't control it. I've seen his dreams more than once." Madara shook his head. "Think what would happen with that uncontrolled ability and a years worth of memories of all those around us, possibly even more. We're not the only ones drinking that water."

"Oh my. So is he possessed?"

Madara snorted. "That would be too easy. If anything, it's a memory that has control over him. I don't know if it's one of his own. I can't really get rid of a memory. It should only last a few minutes."

Something burned and Hinoe screamed, holding a hand to her arm. Slowly, so as not to meet the floor with her face too soon, she drifted back into the trees, landing lightly in the grass.

Natsume stood over her, snickering under his breath, a thin branch of a tree between his fingers… and the limb was on fire.

"What the-"

"Youkai, what do you think you're doing? What's that gathering? What are you planning? Tell me and I'll make your end a quick one."

"Natsume!" Madara landed through the trees, a paw falling between them, knocking her back and the youth onto his backside, dust momentarily blinding them. "Get a hold of yourself!"

"Natsume?" Natsume coughed, leaning back and somehow flipping onto his hands, standing on them a moment, before falling into a crouched position on his toes with his fingertips remaining on the ground. "What are you talking about?"

"This isn't really my fault." Madara took one of his paws, swatting at Natsume. The human showed far more agility than he ever had before, avoiding the swings and replying with his own, the branch still somehow in his grips.

Madara hissed, licking his paw, before holding back whatever reservation he had. Hinoe winced, Natsume flying back and hitting a tree, falling unconscious at its base.

"There now." There was a poof of smoke and the great youkai was once more nothing but a fat cat, strutting over with all the grace of a cockroach across the floor. "You owe me one for that, Natsume. Who knows what you would have done with those memories running in your head."

Hinoe had a chance to breathe, standing and looking over at the other two as the cat sniffed about. There wasn't any blood so she was sure Natsume would be fine. The drink would wear off any moment anyway. "You could have just held him off."

"Ha. No I couldn't. Whatever got into his head wasn't friendly." Madara curled his body up beside Natsume, using his weight to turn him over onto his back. Hinoe came over to check for himself, seeing if there were injuries that blood wouldn't show. Humans were far more fragile.

"He totally ruined my night though. Come on." Madara grabbed Natsume's shirtsleeve in his mouth, his further words muffled. " _Lets go back and drink."_

Hinoe had to laugh to herself, following the cat and his unconscious companion back. She could have lifted him but Natsume had some strange reaction to her touch, as if it somehow embarrassed him. "I suppose that momentary break was enough to burn off some of the drink."

Natsume, being unconscious, wasn't anything that the other youkai noticed. She'd be worried if most weren't fogged over in memories of the past, and would be most of the night. Madara avoided the spring water and went right back to the sake.

Watching the lights, Hinoe played with a cup of her own. For just a moment, Natsume's image flowed into it. Most of her year had been centered around him after all. "Don't want to drink any of this yourself?"

"Hm. Why should I? My memory is perfectly fine the way it is." Madara went for the bottle, ignoring the cup. She was surprised when he didn't drink it and shoved it down the human's throat instead.

Apparently sake and the unpleasantness of being gagged by a bottle was enough to wake him. Natsume's eyes were a bit off center as he wiped his mouth and coughed as if he'd been drowning. "Sensei!"

"Baka. You should know better than to go messing around with memories. You see enough without jumping into the deep end. Here." Madara set the bottle down and waddled over to his own cup, lifting it and drinking. His breath made a slight fog in the air. "Have some. It'll get rid of that headache."

"Headache?" Natsume put a hand to his head and winced. "What happened?"

"You got involved with things you shouldn't, like always. A drink or two won't kill you. There's nothing else here and you have to dilute that spring water still in you. You could fall prey again and attack us."

"Attack you?" Natsume tried to stand but it was clear he was still dizzy from the 'possession'… or the hit to the head. "Will you just tell me what happened?"

"Drink." Hinoe took the bottle, pouring him a bit. "Really. You need it. Listen to the cat."

Natsume had one of his eyes closed slightly more than other, pain on his features. He took the cup from her though, staring at her in the eye, irises just like his grandmothers. Fox eyes. She hated being stared at like that by him. "What happened?"

"The memory of the past took you over. Your bodyguard there stopped you from doing more than singeing his fur. I'll go find you water but any normal spring will be far. The sake will help."

It was sudden when he grabbed her, a wince on her own face when the bicep of the arm he had burnt on herself was moved. "And this?"

"Minor. You weren't in any right state of mind." It was cute, that he was worried about her.

"We should at least wrap it." Natsume looked around before taking off the light coat he had on, removing the shirt he had underneath and buttoning back up afterward.

"Really, it's not necessary."

"I did it, right? It's fine. I have other shirts and I can afford to replace this one if I have to." He started ripping the edge, making a stripe to tie around her arm. Hinoe had to admit it felt better afterwards.

"There." Natsume bowed to her slightly. "I don't really understand what happened but I'm sorry." He blinked, his head still bowed to her, and some strange déjà vu came over him.

Hinoe smiled, handing him the drink once more. "Then drink. I don't want that happening again."

Natsume let out a misty breath, taking the cup and swallowing it all at once, coughing after for a dozen or more seconds, letting out a few more breaths once he had it under control. "Will that be okay now?"

"I don't know." Madara looked back at them from the spot he had reclaimed as his drinking area. "How much of the spring water did you have?"

"Mmm." Natsume touched his chin lightly. "I don't know."

"An immeasurably small amount the first time. You had a swallow or two the second."

"I'd at least have another cup of sake then. That spring water is powerful, and the lights only make it more effective. Don't look back up at them if you can."

"Right." Natsume kept his eyes down, a shame really since the firelights were always a treasure of their own. Natsume took another drink, coughing for a shorter amount of time but looking very ill afterwards.

"You'll be fine." Madara went back to drinking and Hinoe took a sip herself, getting lost in her own memories for a while. It wasn't her fault that Natsume was so sensitive that he couldn't handle it.

…

"Sensei, I don't feel well."

His teacher looked up at him as he stumbled through the forest. The sun wouldn't be up for another few hours but he'd had to leave. Either he'd be sick or he'd look at the lights on accident. Touka-san thought he was staying over at Natori's so it wasn't as if he had anywhere to go. Claiming he came home after feeling sick wasn't a lie though.

"That's because you're an idiot. If you knew how to channel your power right this wouldn't be an issue. Reiko went to a few of these festivals and she was never sick."

His grandmother could also take on strong youkai with only her powers. He wasn't that strong, but then, he had sensei. That didn't stop his stomach from rebelling and the world swaying enough that he nearly fell if not for a thin white tree.

"You can't go back to house smelling of sake and swaying like a drunk. Not that I think you'd even make it that far if you tried." Sensei stopped. "I'm not sure I'm coordinated enough to get us anywhere far either. Doesn't that Tanuma live around here somewhere?"

"Mmm." Natsume blinked, hurting and fighting back sickness. "I don't know."

Sensei sighed. In a second a woman of his own age was standing beside him and Natsume felt her pull his arm around her neck, the mask in front of her face tickling his cheek a moment. "Really, you're such a hassle."

Natsume smiled, feeling safe and content for a moment. The rhythmic motion of putting one foot in front of the other, with sensei's help, was calming. He was near sleeping on his feet when they stopped, the temple Tanuma lived at before them.

"I can't bother him this late at night." Natsume had slept in the forest with sensei before, he could do it again. It wasn't all that cold and he had a jacket on.

"Idiot, you can't control your powers right now and I'm not in top shape myself. If we're attacked one or both of us is going to get hurt. Right now your scent is all over the forest too."

"Mmm." Natsume was too tired to argue, hanging off of sensei's shoulder as they walked up to the door, his teacher sitting him down against the wall while he disappeared somewhere.

Tanuma woke him, opening the door and calling his name. Natsume blinked tiredly, his friend's image blurred around the edges due to the shadows. "Natsume! Are you alright?"

"Fine." Natsume smiled but he couldn't do much else. Getting up seemed to be out of his repertoire.

"Come on." Tanuma put his arm around him this time, taller and wider in the shoulders than sensei had been, making it slightly uncomfortable. He felt himself led though hallways he knew until he was in Tanuma's room, the door closed and him sitting on the floor with his back to the wall.

"Natsume, are you sure you're alright?"

"It's fine, he's just drunk."

"What?"

"I'm not drunk," Natsume defended weakly, a hand on his forehead that felt far too hot. The room as a whole was starting to feel to hot. "I'm sorry, Tanuma. I don't want Touka-san to worry. Do you mind if I stay the night?"

"Of course." Tanuma moved his head, feeling his forehead. It felt so much cooler when Tanuma touched him. "I'll get you a washcloth and a blanket."

"No blanket." Natsume fought with his coat, the buttons falling through his fingers on more than one occasion before his friend took pity on him, helping him remove it.

"Natsume, not to pry but, where's your shirt?"

"Ah, it's a long story." He didn't need it. The wall felt very good, the wood a little too cool against his back but he'd get used to it.

"Right."

A few minutes later Tanuma came back with that cloth and Natsume held it to his own head, afraid what laying down would do to his stomach when his friend offered to set a place for him.

"Need anything?"

"Mmm." Natsume blinked more than usual, the water droplets getting into his eyes. "No, I'm fine."

"Liar."

Natsume's whole body froze up. Sensei's voice was light but the word held certainty. It was a word he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to hearing. Tanuma's hand was on his shoulder, the other under his chin and forcing him to look up. "Natsume, what can I do to help?"

A few of the water droplets mingled with tears he didn't know he was crying until his lungs started to hurt, his eyes shutting. What was wrong with him? Natsume shook his head, slowly, the dizziness still coming on. He felt so sick.

Sick enough that he didn't care that moving made the whole world spin. He was up long enough to find the wall, then the door, then the backyard. Leaning off the deck, Natsume let himself be sick. There was a hand on his shoulder, rubbing his back, while he rid his body of all the strange things that were plaguing it, along with whatever he ate in the last few hours.

Then he was crying again for no reason and Tanuma had his arms around him, keeping him from literally falling off the edge.

"I'm sorry." Natsume didn't know why those were the only words coming to him, but he meant them. He hated being a burden and, right now, he knew he could be nothing but one. Who knew how late at night it was when he showed up, what time it was now. There wasn't school but he was sure that Tanuma had things he had to do and he was keeping him up most of the night. " _I'm sorry."_ He tried to look up at him but only managed to get a glance at the pond outside his door, the moon reflecting brightly on the water.

"Natsume calm-"

The word faded, the room, even behind closed eyes, filling with a heavy fog. Natsume knew he stopped feeling gravity's full effect on him. He blinked, looking around. The room looked different… where was he?

" _I'm sorry."_

There was a boy in the room with him. He was under the covers, a cooling cloth laying on the sheets as small hands covered his face. Blond hair fell into his face, hiding any features his fingers weren't.

The room was dark, he was sure, even if it lacked any sense of light and color to begin with. Natsume watched, entranced somehow, as a younger version of himself cried, wiping away his tears and repeating those same words.

He looked around, not sure what this was supposed to mean. He had dreamed about the past before, but it had never simply been watching himself sit there and cry.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, turning where he sat and seeing Tanuma there beside him. Natsume had to frown. "What are-"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore! Any little thing gets him sick. We can't keep taking care of him! I don't care if he's a relative of your cousin!"

"Be quiet! What if he's still awake?"

"I don't care! I'm sick of this! How many times now have I had to take off of work because he's sick, or fell down, or got in trouble at school! I can't take it anymore, I'm going to get fired!"

" _I'm sorry_." The younger Natsume shut his eyes tighter, his hands moving behind his head, as if to draw in closer on himself. " _I'm sorry_."

"Natsume…" Tanuma moved, a hand still on his shoulder as he reached for the younger version of himself as well. When he tried to place his hand on his head it simple went through, like a ghostly image.

The faded world blurred, slowly, until Natsume felt the deep, comforting darkness of sleep. He embarrassed it, pulled back by a voice, movement. The world wanted to mess with him some more and he had no way of fighting it.

Natsume blinked, the sunrise coming up over the tree line just enough to tell him that it was more dawn than night, a hint of color back in the world. Tanuma had an arm around his back, holding him almost like a child.

His first reaction was to sit up. If the motion hadn't cause him great pain, a hand going to his head, Natsume was sure he could have gotten away. Tanuma's hand lightened around him after, near burning his skin. "Natsume, calm down."

"I'm sorry."

Tanuma smiled, taking his other hand and placing it on his forehead. The rag must have fallen off at some point. For some reason he half expected not to be touched. "You're forgiven. Now go to sleep."

Natsume laughed to himself, closing his eyes and feeling a few tears. There was no way of fighting back. For some reason he felt a lot better. It must have been the dream. "Thank you."

Tanuma moved his hand in response, playing with his hair. Natsume felt a few more tears at that. He could only remember two other people doing that, and he was sure the gesture welcomed the pleasant dreams that were brought afterwards. He'd always been told he had strange hair and his relatives had never seemed to like it.

Memories under the moonlight… He had a fleeting though of the festive, and how not all the memories the ayakashi had would be good as well, but in the end, it seemed worth it to remember them. Maybe, someday, it wouldn't hurt looking back on them so much.


End file.
